A Vision of Faith, Prosperity, and Getting Ahead
Interview by Kimberly Espinosa
What’s your name, and where do you live now?
My name is Silvia Coss, and I live in downtown Los Angeles.
How do you like it there?
I like it. It’s better and calmer than how it was before. There’s not as much crime, and well, it’s good. It’s a little bit safer. Of course, there will always be danger, but walking at night feels a little more comfortable now.
How long have you been living there?
I have lived in this building for 10 years.
Did you live somewhere else before? If so, where?
I lived on Sunset [Boulevard], close to Echo Park, and in 1992, I lived near 3rd [Street] and Western [Avenue], where the YMCA is now.
Where were you born?
I am from Saltillo, Coahuila, Mexico.
How many years ago did you immigrate to this country?
30 years ago.
And the first place you arrived was Los Angeles?
Yes, I’ve been here [the whole time] in Los Angeles.
What was the first [Los Angeles] neighborhood that you lived in?
I’ve always lived in this neighborhood — in Koreatown or Hollywood. The majority of residents in my building are Korean.
Did you have family here?
My daughters’ father and I were married in Mexico, and we came over here. My daughters were born in Los Angeles. Now, it’s just my daughters and me because their father went back to Mexico.
What is your connection to Koreatown?
This year, I have seen substantial changes that benefit Koreatown and its residents. I have seen significant change and prosperity for Latinos, Koreans, Caucasians, Black [folks], and anyone of any nationality. We were in a very critical period during the 2020 pandemic.
In this building, we are all from different nationalities. We are so united and strong in helping each other. If we had not been so united during [COVID], it would have affected us economically, [in terms of] health and food. For example, work halted in 2020, yet there was always food. They would say in Koreatown, ‘In such-and-such a place, there will be food.’ To this day, they still tell us that. They even distributed turkeys at the YMCA on 3rd [Street] and Western [Avenue]. We’ve seen a lot of help, a lot of help. More than anything, we’ve seen a lot of unity.
Do you think unity has always existed over the years?
It is more recent because we value more of what we have now. We aren’t simply machines working; we now realize we are human beings. At least, in my opinion, because in the 30 years I have lived in this country, during 2020, I could stay in this apartment for one month without work.
I have never stopped working in the 30 years I have lived here. Never! In 2020, we had no other option; we were forced to stop working. The truth is that I never enjoyed this apartment, which I pay for each month because I’m renting. But I never enjoyed it more than I did the entire month I was unemployed. So, I was able to be grateful for many things.
Right now, I have a good job and know more people. I am more involved in the community and very interested in serving people in need, whether they have money or not. We all need millionaires, the poor, and the homeless. We need everyone. I have seen how these organizations like KYCC extend themselves to the community so that we can lead different lives.
Some people say that the statistics for children from 0 to 5 years of age show they are very intellectually gifted because of their schooling. They are learning well in school. Before, it was a battle because of problems in the home, community, neighborhood, etc. All of you young adults studying—some of you are still online, and others have already returned to school [on campus]. You can see the effort among young adults and children, among adults and parents.
We united so that children and young university students could understand being on a computer. University students struggled and would say, ‘I just don’t understand. I don’t understand.’ But little by little, they started to learn to be up to date with technology and not just be in a chair or [at a desk] in a school classroom. They could use technology to study at school, at home, or wherever.
Right now, 2021 feels very productive and advanced. We have united to help each other out. I am part of the group MUEC (Uniting Hands with Hope for the Community), which is part of KYCC.
I’m a representative of this group, MUEC, and I’m delighted because I’m sharing legitimate resources for the community. People call me because I leave a message and say, “If you need help, please call us. This is our number. We are here to serve you.” And then people call me, saying, ‘Listen, I liked this resource you shared. How can I do it? Can you help me?’ And I am like, Wow, how beautiful it is to help. They call me so that I can help them. I think 2021 has been a very good year — very prosperous and, above all, a united year. That is how I see it.
What joy! What joy! I identify with that after hearing about your experience. My mom has also been very involved. Unfortunately, there have been many obstacles, so she has been a bit removed from what she used to do. But listening to you motivates me and brings me so much joy that the community has been there for you, just as it has for many of us. I would like to know more about how you got involved because you seem very dedicated to your work.
I did not work in factories because a factory requires a schedule. I’m a single mother. The father of my daughters and I got married in Mexico, and then we came to the United States in 1992. In March of 1992, we arrived in Los Angeles in the Koreatown area. We have been here forever. We decided to come for only one year because the economy in Mexico was very bad.
Then my daughters’ father said, ‘We have a tourist visa. Let’s work hard for a year, the two of us. We’ll go back home, buy a house, yeah?’ We came [to L.A.] and started to work; a year passed, 30 years passed, and then the father of my daughters, well, unfortunately, went down a different path and abandoned my daughters and me. We have no family here in this country. Only my daughters and I are in this country. My daughters’ father preferred to go back to Mexico, so he didn’t have to pay me child support. He decided to do that, and well, it was his deci- sion. So he’s over there. Then I started working.
I couldn’t speak English and didn’t have a career, so I didn’t have a lot of options. I started working — cleaning houses — with a lot of pride. It’s a very honorable job and, above all, very well paid. Well, only sometimes because I have acquaintances who, unfortunately, have struggled to get paid for a good housekeeping job. I worked that way because whenever I was needed at the school, I would ask my bosses for permission, and they would give me the opportunity.
That’s how the years passed. I supported my daughters, paid rent, made car payments, and paid for gas. I made sure to pay everything that needed to be paid for in this country because many of us say, “Let’s go to the United States,” as if you just came here for money. And then you don’t end up getting money here. You come to sweep houses and offices, and that money has to be used to pay rent because they’ll throw you out if you don’t pay rent. We don’t realize this when we are living in our own countries. We simply have the illusion of coming to the United States to make a lot of money. So I worked all the time. I worked cleaning houses and taking care of children because later on [my employers] would say, ‘Hey, Silvia, this person needs someone, not to clean, but to take care of their children.’
“Yes,” I said to them. “Come on, let’s go. Let’s learn!” In 2020, I worked as a nanny, caring for a kid, when the pandemic hit. I also worked as a housekeeper because my work wasn’t with just one person; in other words, I worked for different houses. The pandemic hit, and the child’s mother said, ‘You know what, Silvia? I am sorry, but my husband and I are now at home, and right now, we don’t need you to come, but we will give you a certain amount of money to help you out, even if it is just for one or two months. We don’t know how long this is going to last.’ “Okay, that’s fine,” I said. And that’s how we left it.
The other woman I was caring for — well, I couldn’t work there either for the same reason. Work started to drop completely. All month, I was without work, save for two of my employers, one is Italian and the other Jewish, who live in the same building. I spoke to both of them on the same day at their apartments. In the morning, I went with one, and in the afternoon, I went with the other one because they were in the same building.
To this day, neither of them has suspended me, thank God. But then I didn’t have money because the money they were paying me was going straight to rent. I called someone I knew, and during the conversation, I told her, “Hey, I am really fucked.” I told her, “I need a job.” She said, ‘Look, there is a very good job, but I don’t want you to flake out on me.’ “No, tell me what it is,” I said. She responded, ‘Doing phone calls.’ It was election time. I had to make phone calls on behalf of the mayor. It had to do with [local] politics — not the presidents. The change in presidents was also taking place. I was making phone calls, and I loved it. I was calling those who were eligible to vote.
I would tell them, for example, about George Gascón, who is now the [district attorney]. I would talk to them and tell them what we were told to say. I talked to voters to encourage them and tell them why it was good to vote for these people. I started to get involved.
The elections ended in November 2020. The event ended on November 3. Then I heard from another organization that said, ‘Silvia, look, we need people to go knock on doors and make vaccination appointments.’ So, I’m working on that for now — knocking on doors and making appointments. Most of the time, we are in South Central Los Angeles. We’re making appointments for boosters and [shots] for children 5 years old and older. That’s when everything started to become like a little chain. Like in this organization, they gave out money cards, and we had to pick them up. I met a lady there, and we started talking. Her name is Alejandra, and she told me, ‘Hey, I could place you at an organization where we are sending a lot of resources for those in need.’ “Of course. With pleasure,” I told her. I gave her my name, phone number, and all that. She added me to the group I mentioned, MUEC, in January 2021. It was beautiful. I got to know Deisy Gutierrez, who is very involved with KYCC. She started training us. She is a very professional woman. She likes us to learn and not just listen. No, no, no. She likes it when we learn. I started to get involved with them, and then around June, Deisy and some other KYCC people interviewed me. She told me, ‘Yes, we like you. We would like you to be a representative of the group.’ Since June 2021, I have been a representative. That’s how it all started after working as a housekeeper, nanny, and caregiver. Now that I am in the community, I feel super happy because I can help. I feel satisfied when I arrive and knock on doors, and when they open them, I tell them, “Look, I can help you make an appointment so that you can get vaccinated.”
Sometimes, we, as human beings, need motivation from others because we just say, “No, I’m fine. Everybody is going to be fine,” and that’s not true. We need each other. Yesterday, at 9 p.m., I was watching TV, and a person called me and said, ‘Hey, excuse me, I received your phone number. I need an appointment. I want to get vaccinated.’ And I said, “With pleasure! I’ll [make the appointment for] you right away.” ‘Listen, but won’t it be too late?’ “Of course not, not at all. Don’t worry. I’ll make the appointment for you right now. I’ve already made the appointment, and you will be going this Satur- day to get your vaccination.” The woman was delighted because she had obtained the information on her cell phone. Those are some satisfying moments when I am like, Wow. Satisfaction because I’m helping and learning; it’s a little chain that keeps extending. Let me tell you, the person I made the appointment with yesterday, I knew her from when I did this promotora training. She had said, ‘Hey, you know, there’s a lot of work in mission and engagement.’
She worked in mission and engagement. She said, ‘Yeah. It’s a lot of work.’ And I said, “Hey, but you couldn’t schedule the appointment?” She said, ‘I work so much that I haven’t been able to get my [COVID vaccine] or anything. I never imagined that you would make the appointment for me.’ I said to myself, Wow! Yesterday, I could say, Wow, it’s all from the community. When you’re involved in the community, you start — I mean, it all starts as you connect, connect, connect, connect, connect. I want to share that they also took us to another campaign where the Governor of California, Gavin Newsom, was there. And I was like, “What do you mean the governor is here?” He came and took pictures with us. I have a picture with the governor and everything! So the point is to say I’m going out. I have been able to see that it’s not just about you. No, there is a lot. There is a lot. That’s why I’ve been able to get to know the KYCC [community], and I’m very involved with KYCC and the groups that come out of there, including the group I’m in. We are very grateful because they told us that we were only going to stay until December, but the contract has been extended, and it’s going to be half a year longer, so we are going to go forward, and we are going to learn more.
I am learning how to save money, which is helping me a lot. I couldn’t save because I had to spend what I earned. I’m not a person who spends like crazy. But I simply have to pay for my necessities: electricity, bills, rent, the car, etc.
It was impossible to save. KYCC invited me to join this program to save money. Wow! Now I have money! I returned because there are several programs for saving money, and I can also participate in other programs. I asked, “Hey, can my daughter also participate?” “Yes, yes, she is of age.” And so, she also participates. I’m benefiting from that program. If you save $200, you get another $200. Well, that’s very nice, right? And then they tell you, ‘If you save $400, you’ll get $100 more.’
All right, that’s good! So, you finish saving the $400, and then they tell you, ‘If you save another $400, you will get another $100.’ Damn! They motivate you without even trying, making you see that you can save. You can save! It takes a lot of sacrifice and effort, but you can save. I have seen a lot of benefits. 2022 is coming with more effort and strength.
Right now, there is so much work. We want to see if we can fight for higher pay because there is a lot of work, yes, but very low wages, and rent is sky-high. With $50, I would come back with a little bit of change from buying food — food to make in the house from the market. I would take $50 and still come back with change. Now, I take $100 or more. The reality is that you need to be
well paid to afford these enormous rents in California. They say, ‘Well, do you want to pay the price of being in the Golden State?’
It has nothing to do with that. If I simply want to go to another state, who will be able to come and pay such a high rent with such a low salary? Nobody. Nobody’s going to be able to. In an apartment, you have to live with several families to pay the rent. Now, here in this whole Koreatown area, this entire downtown Los Angeles area, they don’t allow many people to live here anymore. They say, ‘I’m sorry, ma’am. Only so many people can live in a one-bedroom — only a certain amount of people.’ So you ask, “Well, where can I go? I’m leaving then.” And that’s what the owners of these buildings haven’t realized. Who’s going to work for them? We are the only ones who work. Why? Because we work, we have very demanding jobs. But the good thing is that the caravans are bringing people. Poor things, God bless them. They bring them here from Mexico, and God bless them. Sincerely, I pray for them because if I am here, they also want to be here, and why not them, too? Of course, they should. There’s enough for everyone, but may God bless them along the way because they look to me like little turtles going toward the sea. If they make it to the sea, they’re set, but if they don’t, then they’re done.
It’s like the people coming from Mexico. If they make it through Mexico to the United States, they make it. But if they don’t, God bless them. It makes me sad that every- body says Mexicans are bad. I am not bad. I pray for all of them. I pray to God to bring them [here] well and to get them through because I think to myself, Why am I going to be selfish if I am also an immigrant? I also came to this country with a vision of faith, prosperity, and getting ahead. They come with the same vision, so I only have to pray for them. That’s the story. Since I saw differently and was able to get involved in the community, something that I used to do but not one hundred percent, I feel that the pandemic has been very sad. It has been very frustrating because reality has also been frustrating for me. I fell into a moment of depression because I said, “What is going to happen?” But then I said, “No, depression is not for me because if I fall into a depression, who’s going to support me? Who’s going to pay my rent? Who’s going to pay my bills? Nobody.”
I have my two daughters, the older one is already married, working, and living in Oregon with her husband. [I also have] my younger daughter, the one with me, well, she’s still in school. She works at Starbucks, but she doesn’t make the kind of money she needs to pay for everything. So I said, “No. This kind of luxury is definitely not for me.” And that’s when I said, “Well, let’s go for it. Take the leap.” That’s when I started to get involved in everything with the community, and I want to get even more involved. And the truth is that I had not seen beyond what I wanted to see. But there’s a very big world if we want to get out of the tiny, little world we were in — or rather, I was in a tiny, little world. That’s the way I thought about it. But no, no, no, no. There’s a lot [out there] and a lot to be found. To help and also to really receive. That is how I got involved with the community, how I [got to know] KYCC, how I’m volunteering with the MUEC group, for which I’m a representative, and well, here, helping the community, getting more and more involved.
Yes, I hear you’re involved in a lot of things in the United States. Has it occurred to you to go back to Mexico to visit relatives someday, or maybe it’s not in your plans and you’d like to be here for a few more years? What are your thoughts on that?
Look, my daughters’ father and I said we would only come for one year to work hard and earn money; we would save and take it to Mexico to build a little house and live peacefully. I never imagined that I was going to stay here for 30 years. Never, never, never. My mentality was not to stay for 30 years, but, well, the circumstances made us stay here. Why? Because the economic situation in Mexico was very tough, with bad people — just very bad. In the beginning, I wanted to go back to Mexico so terribly that I cried. As the song says, “Although the cage is made of gold, it never stops being a prison.” And it’s
not that it’s a prison in the United States. No, it’s just that in Mexico, I’m from the ranch, where my brothers and I walk barefoot on the smoldering ground. And we didn’t feel that hot ground; we didn’t feel it because we were happy. We ran on it and everything. And if there was a tortilla with beans, thank God! And if there was a tortilla with just butter and salsa, thank God! I missed all of that. I used to say, “The United States! The United States!” But when you get here, you see that it’s tough. When you arrive for the first time, well, for me, it was hard. In the United States, and above all, in Los Angeles, [it is difficult]. It’s not like you came to a small town like in Texas because where I’m from, we are almost at the border of Texas — near San Antonio and Laredo.
We didn’t arrive at a small ranch or a small town. We arrived in a city — a big city. I always wanted to go back, but I started to think about our goal, which made me not feel that great desire to return to my country. That year passed, and we stayed another year. That year, we spent time crying, sad, and lonely because we could go back but didn’t have to. So we stayed another year, and that’s how it continued. Then, more crying, more sadness, and more nostalgia. In those years, I was very nostalgic. During the holiday season, because back in Mexico, everyone is breaking piñatas, having the delicious punches and tamales. In other words, everything is traditional Mexican [style], and they don’t do that here. Here, of course, you have the same food and everything.
But it’s not the same. It’s just not the same. I mean, you can get together with friends at Christmas. We bring gifts, and we eat well. I enjoy it very much. I enjoyed it earlier but was in pain because I wanted to be in Mexico. Now, I don’t. Now, I enjoy it one hundred percent. Tell me, would you like to go back to Mexico to visit my family? Of course, to visit Mexico with pleasure, but not to live there. Not anymore. I have spent more years in this country than I have lived in Mexico. So I feel very grateful for this country. I am very grateful. It offers many blessings to those who want them because many are not at peace.
I tell them that if you don’t feel comfortable and this country is not giving you what you want, what are you doing? There’s no point in being in a place where you feel frustrated or discouraged, and on the contrary, I’m very grateful to this country for everything that it has given me, is giving me, and will continue to give me. And to those who want it, it also gives so many opportunities. One example is children’s education.
When I was a child, my mother gave us something to eat in the morning so we could leave with something in our stomachs and go to school. If not, well, sorry, we put up with it.
We were happy playing at our little school there, but not here. Here, you don’t want to make them something to eat. It doesn’t matter. They go to school, and they are fed there. They give them lunch — their little lunch, which they say is [really gross]. But thank God they provide it. In our countries, they don’t even give you a coffee, and that’s sad because our countries are very, very rich. But the government doesn’t want to. So I am very grateful to this country. I am very grateful, and because of how grateful I am, I also want to show it. Of course, I have given a lot. I spent 30 years working in this country, paying rent, paying for cars, insurance, food, and clothes. In other words, I have contributed a lot economically to this country. So much. Ever since I arrived. I am very, very grateful and very happy. I know that I have had problems, for example, with the father of my daughters; unfortunately, he left with another woman. But before that, we lived a very sad life with a lot of domestic violence and many problems. Then one day he decided to leave, and as my mother would say, ‘They didn’t take just one cactus from you; they took a field of cacti from you.’
It hurt a lot because my daughters always wanted their father to be with them. After that, I [decided] that I didn’t want to have another toxic relationship like the one I had, and I dedicated myself to taking care of them one hundred percent and protecting them so that they would also move forward. And thank God, they responded. I told them, “This is your country; you were born here. You know Spanish very well, you know English very well, and you have your citizenship. Do your best!” And they cooperated. Yes, the two children I had in this country cooperated, so I am very grateful. Tomorrow, my plans are not to go back to live in Mexico, and I don’t know the plans of the one who runs this planet. I don’t know. What are his plans for me? But whatever plans he has for me, they are the greatest. But to visit Mexico? Yes, of course I do. Yes, I go, I visit, and so on. But to live [there], no.
Do you have a personal anecdote or memory from either Koreatown or Los Angeles that reminds you of what it was like to grow up in Mexico?
Look, I am very happy with Los Angeles. Los Angeles is such a Latino city — you can’t really miss something from your country. Of course, the food is different when you actually go to your own country. Hey, you eat a taco in Mexico and come and eat it here — it’s different. But it’s the same thing. I mean, so [you say], “Well, let me go eat tacos today.” I mean, you enjoy it in Mexico, but you enjoy it here too. So, I didn’t feel strongly about the change from Mexico to here because, in Los Angeles, there are many Latinos, and we speak Spanish. I mean, we are not struggling like other nationalities that come here; they struggle simply because there are not as many people speaking the same language. However, there are so many Latinos here in Los Angeles. So, in Los Angeles, I am reminded of how I grew up in my country. For example, the molcajetes [a traditional Mexican stone tool used to grind various food products and ingredients] to make salsa, like at the ranch. With a molcajetito [a different way of calling the same tool mentioned above] and firewood because a gas tank was expensive, and also with the little lamps — not the little lamps of those that we have here, which are very powerful — but the little gas lamps
to be able to light the way at night. When I went to Olvera Plaza and saw the molcajetito there, I bought it, and [now] I have it with me. Sometimes, I make my salsas in the molcajete. It reminds me of the ranch and that I can live here, too. It’s not going to be the same, but yeah, I have memories. I had that experience back at the ranch. I can live it here, too. I just bought the molcajete, and I was able to make salsa. I can’t do it on the firewood because, well, here in the building where I live, it’s a gas stove. Those are my experiences. For example, my most beautiful experiences were with my daughters. I used to dress them on Mexican Independence Day, which is September 15th. The schools would ask us to dress the children, the daughters and sons of our countries, and I would go to the little Olvera Plaza. I would buy the little dresses and everything, and the little girls would [wear] them there. I also remember when I was a little girl, they would give us little dresses like that. I remember a lot. So it reminds me a lot of home. No, I haven’t felt a drastic change because Los Angeles is a city of many Latinos.
What do you think of eldercare in the United States and Mexico?
Look, I’m going to talk first about my country, Mexico. The reality is that those who have money in Mexico can hire a person to take care of them. The advantage that you have in Mexico, Central America, and [the rest of] Latin America — or, better said, what you have there — is that it is not like [the older adults] have become old and a nuisance, so we go and leave them in an old people’s home or abandon them. On the contrary, they’re taken care of.
Of course, they are. There is a strong commitment because they work in Mexico and leave the elderly alone. People who have money in Mexico continue to work and pay a caregiver. Here, what we do is that when the parents get old, they, unfortunately, never had a job that gave them a pension. Well, their children are the ones who have to take on that role. Since they gave us everything, they taught us everything. Well, now it is our turn, and we give them care at home with meals in Mexico and [other] Latin American countries. Here in the United States, there are a lot of advantages and disadvantages. One disadvantage: people who don’t have papers. Who takes care of them? Well, until today, only their relatives. And advantages: the elderly people who have papers receive a pension; they receive help. If they need a person to help them, they are provided with that.
Of course, they are now getting that benefit through their work, effort, and especially paying taxes. So that’s why I see the country [Mexico], the Latin American countries, as very different from the United States. In Latin American countries, what do they do in their old age?
So that’s what happens in Latin America. It’s a struggle when people get old without enough money to support them. The whole family struggles — everyone. There is suffering. Here in the United States, I’ve met people who don’t have papers, yet they have become elderly, and there are programs that help them as much as possible. And so there is a great advantage here because when the children become older, [they] become independent. The reality is that here in the United States, there are very few children — very few — who will have their family members living with them. Likewise, the last thing the elderly want is to live off of and be a bother to others, much less to their children or families. That is a big difference between the United States and Latin America.
Do you remember how your parents cared for your grandparents?
Yes. On my mother’s side, I did not know my grandfather because he had already died. He did meet me, but I don’t remember. So my grandmother was around — the mother of my mother. And well, she was super strong, a fighter, and all that. She reached an age where her bones and age said, ‘I can’t anymore.’ And well, you realize that my mother, my aunts, and my uncle were always looking out for us. My mother taught us to respect my grandparents, from my mother’s and father’s sides. I did meet my grandparents from my father’s side; I socialized with them and all that. With my grandmother, from my mother’s side, I socialized with her a lot. And the reality was that when she got older — my grandmother from my mother’s side — we had to take care of her. She fell and broke her hip, so they gave her a prosthesis, and we took care of her, loved her, gave her food, and all that. But I want to clarify that she did not live with my mother; she only lived with my uncle.
He remained single while all the other children married and continued their lives. But everyone, even the grandchildren, looked out for my grandmother. We were taught to look out for her, to take care of and protect her, and [make sure] she had everything she needed. She was the wife of a man who worked. She never [had a job]. She worked a lot at home, raising her children, setting a good example for them, cleaning the house, and feeding her little ones and her husband because it wasn’t just getting a sandwich and eating it back then. No, they were elaborate meals. On my father’s side, my grandmother was also very loving and attentive to us. When she grew older, we all took care of her. She also lived with my other aunts, who stayed single. But the rest of the children got married because, aside from my father, my grandmother had 10 children.
We were able to take care of her because my grandfather, from my dad’s side, didn’t give us the opportunity to take care of him when he was old. He died of a heart attack, and he didn’t give us the opportunity to take care of him. But thank God, he set a very nice example for us. Above all, he taught us to value and respect life and those of us who exist in this life. And that is a great blessing. My grandparents — on my mom and dad’s side — have passed away. But they left a great legacy. That is what I have to leave, not only for my daughters but also for the people who know me, because it is very nice when they say to me, ‘Wow, look, this is a person who helps, a person you can trust,’ and you can see how you can help, encourage, and motivate them.
What are some memories of them that you’ve shared with your daughters?
I have a lot of beautiful memories of my grandmother from my mother’s side. She was very, very lively. She loved to knit, my little old lady. She always loved to have her house very clean, you know. She loved to cook and be with everybody; she had six children. We were all there on the weekends or whenever possible. That’s what my grandmother taught us, from my mom’s side, to be united and to have that love. Of course, we are human beings, and we are going to fight because that’s normal. And on my dad’s side, we coexisted because my grandmother, from his side, lived in a town near the city but not very close. We grew up on the ranch on my dad’s side, and the entire ranch was very nice. I knew my grandfather from my dad’s side. My other grandfather — no, I don’t remember him. He died when I was little. So, I don’t remember him, but my grandfather, on my dad’s side, I do [remember] because he was always looking out for us. When there was a lot of rain on the ranch, a strong flow of water would form — we called it a stream.
My grandfather had to make some diversions for that water to come into the land so he could sow. He would take my brothers and me and tell us, ‘Go and bring some stones.’ And then we were off to bring the stones. He was something else because he would say, ‘If you bring more stones, you will be rewarded — there will be something good for you.’ Damn, you can imagine how we ran and brought what we could. And then I asked him, “What’s the prize?” Okay, if we were supposed to get two taquitos to bring more stones, we would get three taquitos. Yes, that’s what my grandfather used to say, but he taught us every- thing. So that’s a very nice example. Oh God, we had nice experiences, and there were hardships. There are all kinds of hardships, but there are also joys. Indeed, there is poverty, and there is also wealth. Yes, a lot of wealth. Because when you are together and have some bread to eat, that’s wealth. That’s a lot of wealth. So, they taught us to love, respect, value life, and keep moving forward. Also, my grandmother would tell me when I married my daughters’ father — because I got married in Mexico — she told me, ‘Look, if he tells you it’s blue, but you’re seeing that it’s green, you tell him it’s blue in the meantime.’
And I was like, “What do you mean in the meantime?” And she would say, ‘Yes, in the meantime, because later on you will have him under control.’ She also taught me that. My grandmother, from my dad’s side, was a very good cook. She sewed clothes for her children. She was a very coquettish woman. She also liked to primp and preen herself. She was a very refined, elegant woman. And my grandmother on my mother’s side suffered more — my grandmother, Maria. She suffered more because my grandfather died before her. But she was a woman who worked hard and never backed down. She was very strong and brave. So there’s all that. Those are some memories and examples. They leave those [memories] behind so you can experience them and, above all, carry them with you for a lifetime. May they be an example for us to be examples as well. So that’s how life was. I’m telling you the beautiful parts. There is also suffering. There are all kinds of things. But that’s daily life — that’s life.
What was it like growing up with or taking care of your parents?
My father and my mother did not work in a factory or a place with a pension. No, thank God, my father, like my grandfather, worked on the ranch. He taught us to fish whatever had to be fished — whatever was in season. My father was the one who would go with my grandfather. He also taught us, for example, about the fig. If you pull the fig carelessly, a little bit of white sap comes out. If
that falls on your skin, oh man, brace yourself because you’ll itch horribly. So that’s why my father taught me how to pull out the fig. He was a good father, but he was also demanding. Also, with my mother, sometimes they were fine, sometimes they weren’t, because that’s normal in a marriage, right? My mother was a hard worker as well.
My mom, to this day — poor little thing, my mother. God bless her because, you know, my mom never took care of herself when she was young. She was on the ranch. She was happy. She loved the ranch, even though she wasn’t raised there. My mother was raised in my grandmother’s town, which was quite different from the ranch where she went to live with my father. They got married, and they’re [still] married. They’ve been married for 61 years now. So, my mom was happy on the ranch.
We didn’t have water on the ranch. Don’t think we had a little faucet at the ranch. No, no, no, no, no. We had to go to the water wheel. Perhaps you don’t know what a water wheel is, but it’s a well. We had to take out the water; we had to take it out and pour it into two pots — into two big tubs. And in those two big tubs were sticks, and with those sticks, we put one tub on one side and one on the other side, and then we put a little pillow on our neck and placed it there. And off we would go for a walk to bring water to wash the dishes, for cooking, for everything. To drink water, everything. My mom never gave up. She never gave up. On the contrary, she was a fighter. Don’t think it was a piece of cake. No, we had to cut the firewood and bring it to make the fried food with eggs and beans in a pot. We didn’t have electricity. It was a gas lamp. So we used that gas lamp because it was the one that gave us light, and sometimes there were huge moons that gave us light, and the sky was starry — completely starry. And that also gave us light. My mother was there all the time, making food, and she was always going and fetching water. We also had to fish.
We used to go around; don’t think we went around in cars, no. We didn’t go around in cars. Our car was a wagon. But how could we say it was a wagon? It was a wagon that we put on two horses. These horses were special ones for the wagon. That’s how we would go. We would get on the wagon. For example, we cut and boiled fruit for the quince paste [dulce de membrillo — a jelly-like paste made from quince fruit]. When we made the quince jelly, we had to go to another ranch because we lived on a ranch that was very isolated and separated from the other ranch. So we had to go in that wagon, and we had to go at certain times when the mill was already open to grind the quince paste. The next day, we would put the case in and release the quince paste that had already been ground. We would add salt and everything else that had to be done to make the quince paste cold. My mother taught us all that. She taught us how to cut and peel quince because there were no potato peelers, only little knives. You had to peel the quince without removing the flesh, only the peel, because if you left the peel when you ground it, little pieces of the peel would come out, and it wouldn’t taste the same.
That’s why we had to remove the peel very, very delicately. Then the next day, we would put the case on and put in what we had ground from the quince, and it would start burning! But it would burn because it would start to sputter when the quince paste was ready. If it started to sputter, you would get burned. It is what it is; that’s how you learned. Those are my memories of the work. And
my mother would also get angry, and if we didn’t obey her, forget about it!
Do you keep in touch with your family?
Oh, yes! Look, now let me tell you. My mother, I am glad you mentioned it; she worked a lot and never took care of herself. Now that she is older, she had a prosthesis put in her knees and hips. My mother has to walk around with a walker and has many ailments that she now lives with in her old age. But I also admire her for her strength because she is almost 90 years old, but she can still get up and make her meals with my dad.
The truth is that it is a privilege to be able to support them. I mean, not to fully support them financially because that would be a lie. But yes, if they need help,
we have to help them. My mother doesn’t want anyone to be responsible for her. But we want someone to come once or twice a week and help them wash their clothes and all that. And my mother says, ‘No, no.’ So there she goes with the walker, with so much pain in her body and everything. There she goes, carrying her clothes to wash them. We bought her a washing machine, and the little old lady puts her clothes in there herself. But yes, we are grateful, and I do believe that we have shown them our gratitude, and above all, we have shown that we are giving them back very little of all they have given us.
So they live by themselves?
Yes.
Do they have other children living near them, or are they also here in the United States?
No, everyone is over there. It’s just me here and another brother who [lives in] the capital of Mexico. There are five of us in total. My other three siblings live over there. My sister is the one who always looks after everything. My other two brothers are always looking out as well. My sisters-in-law and my brother-in-law are there as well. It is a true blessing, and I don’t get tired of thanking my in-laws because when my mother was sick, she had to use a diaper. To this day, my mother has to use a diaper. But now she puts it on herself. The little old lady [referring to her mother] now uses her little diaper.
When she was recovering from the operation, my respect went out to my sisters-in-law and brother-in-law because they bathed and clothed my little old lady attentively. One had to clothe her, wash her, bathe her, and all that. And they never said that it grossed them out or anything; no, all was well. I could not be there all the time, but I was able to do what I could. If I had enough to pay my rent, bills, and everything else — because I am also a single mother — I would send a little money to help make it easier for them.
That’s the way it is. And my dad, thank God, because my little old man also needs it. You reach a certain age when you can’t disagree with them on anything. And we say yes to everything. My brothers and I learned not to correct them but to let them be because they suffered in the past. And we suffered, too. We used to fight, but we came to a point where we said, “No, they can’t be changed.” So now everything is “Yes, it’s fine. Yes, it’s fine. Yes, it’s fine.” Now everything is calm.
Would you like to return to see them or spend time with them? Have your daughters met them?
Yes, yes. In 2019, they were there with them; they’ve gone several times. I’ve been there, and they’ve been here a lot. Every year, they came when they could. Now, they can’t; they haven’t been back here for years. I have gone to see them, but I can’t go that often because I live day-to-day. If I don’t work, who works for me? But I am aware that if something is needed, if I have extra [cash], for example, then I’ll call and say that I have $100 left over. I say, “Well, I am going to send this $100.” They don’t eat much anymore. They don’t need big markets; they need a meal — something warm to eat.
How often do you communicate with them?
All the time! Once or twice a week.
How would you like to be taken care of, whether by your daughters or by others in the future?
Oh, what a tough question. Here in the United States, it is very different. The reality is that I just pray to God that I don’t [have] to be with my daughters in their homes. God forbid. No, it is tiring, and I do not want to be in the way. I prefer, as they do here in the United States, that they put me in a [retirement] home. I wouldn’t really like that, but if there is no other way, then fine. But to go and live with them? No, no, I don’t want to. I don’t want to be a burden. I know I’m not a burden to them, but I don’t know. I mean, no, no, no, no, it’s better this way. Unfortunately, there is a lady who is already 80 years old in the building where I live. That is why I am also afraid of that; at that age, we think we can still do it. Oh, sweet little old lady! Barbarita got up at 6 a.m. and went to the laundry room in the building. She started washing her clothes. There is a kind of ladder there — a little stool to climb because the dryers are high. The little old lady couldn’t reach them. She climbed up on the stool. She started to feel dizzy and [fell] all the way down. So now, unfortunately, they had to put [orthopedic] screws in her. And she talked to me [one day] and said, ‘Silvia, you know what? I don’t want to be put in a convalescent home. I want to stay in the apartment where I live.’ And I said, “Well, yes, that’s fine.” But that’s all there is to it. She also has two daughters, and she is also wanting them to care for her. So I would like that too if I could live in an apartment and have someone take better care of me. And if that is not possible, then in a nursing home. I don’t want to live like that with my children, with my family. No, no, no, and my parents taught me that too. When my mom had surgery and everything, my siblings told her, ‘Mom, we have a room for you in the studio,’ and she said, ‘No, no, I’m not going with you.’ So that’s why I’m telling you this: This is what I think. If God gives me life until then, I don’t know how many years God will give me, but I would like to be more independent.
In our last interview, you mentioned you would like to stay in the United States, given that you consider it more your home than Mexico. Would that still apply in your old age?
Yes, completely. One hundred percent. I want to stay here because I have spent more years here than there. I really don’t know. I can’t [see] myself there [in Mexico] again. Although you may not believe it, look, you say, Oh, I couldn’t. I mean, yes, you can. In my mind, I want to stay here. But in the future, I don’t know where I will be. We do not know. Look, many people right now with the pandemic were people who lived here in the building and said, ‘No, I already bought [it]; look at this, Silvia, you have to buy it.’ They were paying it off little by little. And look, now, with the pandemic, they died. And wha happened? They were cremated. I mean, they [cremated] them because they could not be buried just like that. So, the truth is that the future is uncertain. Nobody knows. So it’s better to be grateful and happy. And the future — well, God has it in his hands, but I would like to stay here, yes, and if not, then Mexico is fine.
Would you like to share something else before concluding?
No. Well, I don’t know if the interview went well or if what I have been talking about has been interesting.
Of course, it has! It’s very enjoyable listening to you and talking, especially about those who are no longer with us but in memory. I’m very glad that you shared that all with me. I appreciate it very much.
You’re welcome. I’ve [shared] the beautiful things, but there are always sad things as well. But the important thing is to talk about what we’ve learned from our ancestors. That is the most important thing. So, that’s what I could tell you; that’s what I have lived and what I remember from living with my grandparents, from both my mother’s and my father’s sides.