How Big This Would Become

Interview by Joseph Jae In Kim and Rebecca Louie

Where is your hometown?
Home is mostly here in Koreatown. I was raised here. I attend school here. I also volunteer in Koreatown. I’m a community organizer and I like getting to know the people in the community. That’s a big part of who I am and that’s kind of my journey of learning about myself.

But, I’d also say my hometown is Veracruz, Mexico, where my parents are from, and Villa Hidalgo Yalalag Oaxaca, where my abuelito (grandpa) — my mother’s father — is from. A lot of paisanos (a person who shares one’s place of origin) — the people from our pueblo (hometown) — have migrated here. I’d say there’s a pretty large community of paisanos in Koreatown. It’s pretty nice because we see each other around often — pre-COVID, of course — and it’s like seeing family. I’m also really glad that I’ve been able to grow up in a community like Koreatown, close to relatives who are also paisanos, which lets me get to experience a little of what it’s like back home, even though I’ve never
been there, or at least not yet. And I like having them close since we get to carry on with the traditions from back home.

Even though I’ve never been to Veracruz or Oaxaca, and I’ve only seen recordings and Facebook videos that my parents showed me, I’d say Koreatown is somewhat close to what it’s like back home. We have a lot of celebrations for our ancestors. We’re able to speak the language that my parents speak. There are a lot of people who live in Koreatown and speak the same language. I think that’s a big part of the resemblance from back home. Here you have buildings downtown, and it’s kind of becoming like that in Koreatown. But back home, it’s mostly just the land and houses. And those houses are built by the people there. So that’s not like here. But I would say that the lifestyle there is somewhat like some things that I can still experience here.

How long have you lived in Koreatown?
I’ve lived in the same apartment in Koreatown all my life. I don’t really go anywhere. I’ve attended school here all my life. So basically, all my life is built here in Koreatown. That’s pretty nice because everyone kind of just knows each other at some point.

Right now, I feel like I’m learning so much about the history of Koreatown: the people and their stories and learning how they have built their lives over the years in Koreatown. That’s definitely been very meaningful over this past year.

Could you tell me a little more about what different communities you’re in?
The first community that comes to mind is Koreatown. This is where I live. And then I’m also involved in other organizations, where I volunteer and intern. KYCC is one of the closest organizations that I’m involved with. During this time they’ve been able to help out my family.

Other communities that I’m a part of are just a group of friends that I’ve made this past year online because I’ve organized actions for the environmental movement. I’ve made those relationships, and I’ve been able to form a sense of community — even though it’s online so it’s a little different. But it’s definitely a community where you know we come and share ideas. We prioritize mutual respect.

Where is your favorite place in Koreatown?
The intersection of Wilshire [Boulevard] and Vermont [Avenue], since it’s just really close to my home. That’s the mini-downtown of Koreatown for me. 

Do you work in Koreatown?
I’ve done volunteer work in Koreatown, if you count that as “work.” I spend a lot of time at KYCC. I used to go there two or sometimes three times a week when school wasn’t online. When I had my internship last semester, I would take the bus [to KYCC]. 

How did you get involved with KYCC?
My mom is chronically sick because of an accident she had at her workplace when I was in kindergarten. She was unable to work because her discs were damaged, and she constantly has back pain. After that, she got involved
in some meetings and became a member of KYCC. I came along with her to those meetings, and I would meet a lot of the people working in those different organizations, including KYCC. The organizations that my mom has been really involved with became a second home for me because if I had some question about school or about how to get tutoring or something — just anything really — [the answer] would be there.

I started my own journey with KYCC in the fall semester of my sophomore year. I’m a junior now. I started tutoring with BRIDGE, which is one of their Youth Services programs that assists elementary and middle school students. You’re basically helping them with anything like home-work or any other activity — like art or cooking — that they might have. I was constantly involved with BRIDGE, and I still am.*

Later, I was introduced to the Koreatown Storytelling Program because I was supposed to post a flyer to advertise for KSP on our BRIDGE account because I was the BRIDGE historian. I saw the flyer last year, but because of the pandemic starting up, and with so much going on, it just didn’t happen. But this year, I was interested in participating. I reached out to Katherine [KSP Program Director] to confirm with her, and she told me that the application was due on December 31st.

But the day after she responded to my email, which was the 18th of December, was also the last day of the fall semester for school. On that day, my dad and I started feeling sick. So my entire focus was on that. I wasn’t able to turn in the application because so much was going on. The day it was due was the day my dad was admitted to the ICU. And so, I ended up getting an email afterward from Sarah [KSP Program Associate]. She told me that if I wanted an extension, I was able to receive it because she was told by Katherine that I had previously reached out to her. I think I was also mentioned in another interview by another KSP participant, so that is also something that I guess interested them. Here I am now, doing the interview. 

With what happened with my dad’s passing, KYCC has continued to be one of our family’s biggest supports — financial support with paying bills for rent and the internet, and support from the BRIDGE members and from KYCC staff. They’re just willing to help out, even if it’s just listening, and it really does feel like a second family. 

I’ve definitely felt reciprocal [support]. I volunteered with them in the past, and I feel that support back from them. It’s definitely nice.

KYCC really has helped my family too. Without them, I probably wouldn’t be living in this apartment right now. I’m curious — you know how during the quarantine, we all switched to online? Would you rather do things online, or would you rather have physical interaction?
Well, I remember that on the last day when we were at school, everyone was kind of celebrating, like when you’re on the last day of the fall semester and you’re about to go into winter break. That’s kind of what it felt like. I mean, spring break was coming up as well. I remember people were like, “Oh, we’re gonna have two weeks of spring break, and then we’ll be back.” We even played Kahoot on the last day while we stayed in our advisory room. People were going in and out of the class. The teachers were texting each other, seeing what was happening, because it was just happening, I guess, in real time. And because there was really no class on that day, we were on our phones and I remember constantly checking the USC or UCLA Instagram account, and seeing what updates there were. 

I remember during that time, there were only twenty-something cases in L.A. I don’t think I ever imagined how big this would become. Even now, I still don’t get it sometimes. And I think, “What would have happened if we stayed in school? The cases probably would have been a lot higher.” Especially because at our school, there are 30 to 40 kids in one classroom and it’s just packed. Everyone’s just really close. I remember I hugged my advisory teacher on that last day, and it was weird because it did kind of feel like, “I’ll see you soon,” but it also felt like, “I don’t know what’s gonna happen, so, just in case, this could be a goodbye for now.” I don’t know, I still think a lot about that day. I remember that people were asking, “Oh, that teacher is going to be using Zoom?” And I didn’t know what Zoom was, so I was kind of like, “Okay…?” 

Some teachers did decide to adapt immediately [to online teaching], but other teachers gave you work and you would turn it in, but you wouldn’t have to log into a video call or something like that. It was just asynchronous work. During that time, I actually left [home for spring break] because, of course, we didn’t think COVID would be something that big. I stayed with my sister for what I thought was going to be spring break.

I remember constantly texting my parents updates from the news. I mean, they did watch the news, but I wanted them to know what the numbers were in case they weren’t paying attention. I didn’t know what was happening at home, so I wanted to make sure. When the numbers started going up, I felt very scared, so I came back home, and I kind of established a system at home where I would be the one sanitizing my parents if they ever came in from going to the market or work. In May, my uncle — my dad’s brother — who lived in Mexico, passed away. That became a big realization moment for everyone because it was happening in the family.

I didn’t have any contact with my uncle; I didn’t have memories with him. So for me, it wasn’t happening in my immediate family, but obviously, it didn’t feel the same for my dad because he and my uncle did have memories together. But it did hurt when I saw my dad come home from work crying. He wasn’t the kind of person to cry in front of the family. He’s usually the one who would just make sure that we were okay. 

So when I saw that he wasn’t okay, it scared me. After that, I guess my dad panicked a little; he became very, very careful. We would leave the groceries at the front of the apartment and sanitize them. It was a lot more tense at home.

School was okay. It was difficult in the beginning, and then I sort of adapted to it. But the schoolwork did feel a lot more overwhelming, and I did feel a little more pressure, just because I wanted to make sure that I maintained communication with my teachers, as I always did when we were in school. I just kind of learned to live with online school. I never really liked it, except for the days that I just didn’t want to get up from bed. I did appreciate having online school.

But I think after my dad passed away, it completely changed. I didn’t think I was doing well in school, and I still don’t think I’m doing well in school. I have a lot of missing assignments, which scares me because it’s the second semester of 11th grade, and college applications are getting closer. I know for a fact that these grades are going to be seen by the admissions officers reading my application. So, right now, I don’t like online school due to the fact that I am not doing well. 

But I also want to do well because I read an interview that I had with my dad in ninth grade for my English class, which was assigned to get to know your family better. One of the questions I asked was, “What was your greatest regret, or what is your greatest regret in your life?” and his answer was not finishing school, despite [the fact that he didn’t finish school] not being on him, but [because of] more or less the financial situation their family was slipping into. And when I read that, it felt like he was telling me to just keep pushing. If I don’t do well, I’ll feel really bad. I’ll feel even worse. 

I mean, my teachers — they are supportive, but at the same time, even though it’s been three weeks [since my dad passed away], it feels weird moving on. It feels weird sometimes more than others because sometimes I just think about it too deeply. And I can’t concentrate well in school. In class, I’m there — I’m sitting in front of the computer. But my mind just wanders a lot. And sometimes I feel bad because I’m put into a breakout room, and I know that we have to work on things as a group, but I’m just not able to. 

I don’t think everyone knows [that my dad passed away], and so that kind of adds a little to the situation not being the best. I mean, my teachers know, and some of my friends know, but yeah there are still people who don’t know because I guess my communication with people from school isn’t really close, I have a lot more connections with people outside of school, but, I don’t know. It’s just hard because I do want to tell them sometimes but I don’t want them to think that it’s because I want them to feel bad for me; it’s just so that they kind of know where I’m coming from.

I know what that feels like.
Since winter break, I heard about people at our school and people close to me getting sick, or their family members getting sick. It feels like a very hard time. Yesterday, I found out that one of the teachers at the elementary school I attended passed away. When I found out, I started crying because it’s someone you’ve met and you’ve seen them smile at you. And it feels really ...
I don’t want to say bad, but it’s just so many people who are close to me dying, and even if they’re not close [to me], since it has happened within my immediate family, I feel their pain.

Yeah. I know exactly what you mean. I remember when I first heard your story, and I remember when we first started talking and you were asking me for advice. When I heard of what you were going through, my heart just broke because I knew the exact same pain. I knew exactly what you were going through. I’ve been asked this question: would it be better
if no one knew my situation, or would it be better if everyone knew my situation? Because here, everyone knows my situation, but if I go to a college like Dartmouth, where it’s somewhere far away, no one will know what I’ve gone through. So, I guess that’s a question that you can ponder — would it be better if no one knew your situation, or would it be better if everyone knew about it? 

How has living through the COVID-19 experience made you feel?
It’s definitely been overwhelming, especially the past month. I had to find a new way of living now that my dad passed away. And so that has been very, very difficult. It’s also affected my school life or my school daily flow. 

This pandemic has changed my life drastically, and it’s made me feel very reflective on life. I think I reflected a lot on my identity as well. It really hit me in different parts of my life — the way I interact with people and my community. And it’s definitely made me feel supported and part of a community. I appreciate everyone that has reached out during this time. It’s a lot of emotions. But overall, right now I feel very grateful for the community that I have.

Could you tell me how you’ve been working on your activism during this time?
I’m part of the youth L.A. chapter of One Up Action. I’m also part of Extinction Rebellion Youth Los Angeles, which is another youth L.A. chapter. They’re both environmental organizations, but they’re very intersectional, meaning that we talk about other topics, such as housing and workers’ rights and language accessibility. 

This past year has been a new learning experience where I had to get out of my comfort zone because I’m meeting people from across L.A., and even across the country, which is pretty cool. Even with my dad passing away, they’ve been able to support me, so I definitely feel like it’s not just organizing, but it’s also a community. I really appreciate that these days.

What inspired you to get involved with these organizations?
In the environmental movement, there aren’t a lot of Black, Indigenous, or people of color. Even in these groups that I’ve participated in, a lot of people are from other parts of L.A.; they’re not near downtown or Koreatown. It’s important to hear different perspectives. 

Right now, I also feel like language accessibility has pushed me to really participate in these groups because sometimes there are only a few people who are bilingual, and I definitely feel like the information that we’re researching and putting together has to be accessible to the communities that are being affected. You can’t just organize and not make this accessible to the people who really need the support. Knowing our history and my experiences working with my parents have influenced me to participate in these groups whenever I can. 

You mentioned an emphasis on language accessibility. Do you come from a multilingual household?
My parents speak Spanish; it’s our primary language at home. They also speak Zapotec, which is an Indigenous language. I know Spanish, but I’m learning Zapotec now. Through the conversations that they’ve had, I’ve been able to pick up a few things here and there. I’m not fluent, but I try. My dad spoke English, but now it’s just my mom, so I have to translate for her, whenever I can. Whenever papers come in, I make sure to translate for her, so I see how things are not very accessible for her. It’s definitely made me realize how important language accessibility is. 

Even within our community, there are people who are able to speak Spanish, but they don’t know how to write or read it. I remember I used to go to meetings with my mom when I was younger, I remember having to take notes for my parents because they weren’t able to write in Spanish.

Those experiences have made me realize that language accessibility is very important in these spaces, and making sure that people know their rights and that their voices matter. They sometimes feel like their voices don’t matter because these spaces are not as accessible with information. So it’s important for me to make sure that things are as accessible as they can be.

How has COVID-19 affected language accessibility?
Many elders in the Indigenous community have passed away because of medical racism. I definitely feel like COVID-19 has impacted the spread of the language. A lot of knowledge and traditions are being lost.

I’ve heard of stories where Indigenous people are in the hospital, but they can’t access the resources that they need because they don’t have a translator who can precisely translate from an Indigenous language to English or Spanish. It’s already hard with Spanish. 

I remember I had to translate for my mom when my dad was in the ICU, so I can only imagine what that experience would be for someone who’s only able to speak their Indigenous language. It’s definitely had a great impact. That’s why I really hope I can learn.